When those vows were exchanged, never in a million years, did you imagine you’d wind up despising the other person? Regardless of whether or not a divorce was your idea, it stings and can cause a lot of damage to each of you and the family dynamic. Because both parties are suffering somehow, there will be several openings for aggression, allegations, blame, and many more negative situations. If you’d like to avoid this, continue reading for tips on carrying out an amicable divorce.
What is amicable divorce?
An amicable divorce is one where both parties can peacefully reach an agreement about the terms of their divorce without litigation. This means that the assets, custody, and all other terms of the divorce can be agreed on between the parting couple and their lawyers. As mentioned on https://btlfamilylaw.com/divorce-statistics/, 45% of marriages end in divorce. As common as divorce is, unfortunately, amicable divorces are not. Separating legally takes patience and thick skin, but it’s truly worth it and can be done.
Because of a divorce’s paperwork and legal requirements, lawyers will need to be present during the process, but that doesn’t mean that it needs to be a legal battle. Try to find a lawyer that wants the best for you but isn’t going to go for the jugular on your ex.
Why is an amicable divorce the best route?
First and foremost, an amicable divorce is the least expensive route. The longer the process, the more money you will have to put down. You will have to continue paying lawyers, and if the courts have to get involved because an agreement cannot be reached, you’re looking at thousands upon thousands of dollars that will be spent on court costs.
Divorce will take a toll on you and your children. Both physical and mental health is put in jeopardy. The more peacefully you go about this, the quicker it will end. That way, you can get back to living your life without this dark cloud hanging over you.
If there are kids involved, then you probably already know how this is affecting them. Try to make it as painless as possible for them by not slinging foul language or speaking ill of each other.
How to have an amicable divorce:
Here’s our complete list of how to divorce with grace and without drama.
Don’t play the blame game.
You will undoubtedly be tempted to place blame, mainly if you get blamed first. There’s no easy way around this except by just plain refusing to engage in this game. Pro tip: there is never a winner, so it’s best not to try.
Put the kids first
This might seem easy because, of course, you want what’s best for your kids. But when your hard-earned money and assets are involved, you might find yourself forgetting what’s important. Do what best for your children.
Keep emotion out of it.
Without question, there will most likely be many situations when emotions are running high, and someone loses their temper. Regardless of what the problem is, always try to make decisions and communicate without emotion. It could be the thing that saves you a drawn-out court or custody battle.
Don’t rush, but set a deadline.
Try not to rush your spouse to sign the papers. Rushing them to sign could backfire and result in resentment and anger. At some point, though, agree to a deadline for when you both hope for the divorce process to end and stick to it. This will help you avoid delays and motivate you to make decisions within a reasonable amount of time.
Value therapy as much as legal advice
You’ll need both legal advice and some form of therapy or coaching during your divorce. Therapy and divorce coaching has proved wonders for those dealing with the mental and physical anguish of divorce. It’s a good idea to get some coping strategies from a professional if you can.
Divorce requires compromise. If you’re unwilling to, then it’s going to be a long, bumpy road. Even when it seems impossible, try always to see things from your ex’s perspective and compromise as much as you can.
Divorce can get ugly for apparent reasons—-a lot is at stake. But it doesn’t have to be a divorce war. Divorce is a lot like detoxing—-doing something uncomfortable for long-term gain. Expect it to hurt. Expect there to be disagreements and quarrels, but if you want the best for yourself and your family, then try to adhere to these steps.