We all need a full suite of Android massage therapists from southern California in our home, but what do you do when your statuesque mobile Swedish masseuse calls in sick? What do you do when your salaried, live-in private shiatsu massage therapist is on annual leave and your local Reiki professional cancels your usual late afternoon/ early evening de-knotting session?
You do it yourself. Luxuriously. Happiness is attainable. It comes in multiple settings. And is hand-held until the batteries give out.
But the good news is that physical joy is easily rechargeable via a USB cord or AC adapter, and the joy can last for up to three hours.
Live life intensely even at the lowest intensity. Press the right buttons. These days, we are investing in interchangeable heads, and prepared to pay for heat dissipation.
Vibration has become a big business. We are all madly vibrating away or paying people to vibrate our treasured trigger points and increase regional blood flow. Self-care and self-massage are on-trend. If you aren’t a wedgehead or a hammerhead, then you are very probably a bullhead. Or a forkhead!
The new generation of massage guns and penetrative deep tissue percussion devices satisfy all our head-to-toe kneads.
You can now tool up with your own arsenal of massage guns. You don’t need a license for percussive energy. De-knotting is not illegal. You can hunt down and despatch cramps without scruples. amps up to 3200rpm, which no blonde, blue-eyed Scandinavian deep issue specialist or shaven-headed Korean masseur could ever match. That’s serious pummelling.
The personalized high-torque percussive force comes in twenty different speed settings. Levels 1-4 are for “muscle awakening”, levels 5-8 for fascia relaxation, and settings 9-12 for lactic acid decomposition. 13-16 for deep tissue massage and 17-20 is professional mode which means a chiropractic experience.
The Hyperice 2 Pro has five levels of losing up sore muscles, stiff backs, and achy tablet shoulder muscles that can’t be reached without a fork, bullet, cushion, or flat head, trademarked patented Pressure Technology, and Quiet Glide technology. Also available are the three-speed but no less portable and no less backed by science and used by the best to unlock their tension Hyperice 2 and Go 2 percussion massage pistols.
The South Californian company, which also offers ice and heat the pay wearables, specializes in luxury top-of-the-range high-tech but intuitive body primers that vibrate and roll away the aches and pains. You may feel like Robocop sometimes but you’ll feel like Superman and Superwoman afterwards.
Founder Anthony Katz started the business as an art project cutting up neoprene and ice packs to ice his joints. Advised by basketball superstars like the late Kobe Bryant, the relaxation and comedown technology products hit the market in 2012, and haven’t looked back since.
Back then such devices were outdated. No more than sort of re-purposed post-surgery devices. It was analogous to IBM in the 80s when everyone had an IB computer in their office but didn’t know what to do with it and had to get an expert in to explain. At Hyperice, we’ve democratized what elite athletes help us build,” says Katz, whose company acquired Nomatics in 2020.
Other companies may offer pillow massagers, or back and neck chair massagers that mimic someone’s thumb bringing you ecstatic relief. Plus Shiatsu foot massagers help you further enjoy the joys of inflation and deflation. And ribbing.
Complete relaxation is now Android-compatible, so there is no excuse at all to get wound up and stressed if your masseur doesn’t turn up for that appointment and misses your daily dose of self-indulgent swooning, at your desk or in your living room.
Crank up your non-binary masseur-in-residence and armory of the latest state-of-the-art self-relaxation technology, switch on the Bluetooth connectivity, and enjoy some Good Vibrations and luxury well-being with Hyperice.
Get your own DIY dynamic air compression system. Employ a Hyperice android physio now! It has more stamina and going power than a human one.
