Life is essentially one humongous compromise. Very rarely do you get everything you want, there’s almost always some give and take. This can especially apply during divorce mediation. After all, reaching an agreement is the whole reason you’re in divorce mediation. You’re probably going to need to compromise on some issues.
While giving something up during a divorce can be tough. No one really wants to feel like their former spouse got one over on them. With that being said, there can be some surprising benefits of comprise in CT divorce mediations.
What Is Divorce Mediation?
You can’t really think about compromising in divorce mediation if you aren’t sure what it is. While Connecticut doesn’t mandate mediation as part of a divorce proceeding, most family court judges recommend the process.
Mediation involves a neutral third party. Yep, you can leave your divorce attorneys behind. The mediator works with both you and your soon-to-be former spouse so you can hammer out some tricky issues.
Whether it’s child custody, support, or asset division, the mediator’s only role is to help divorcing couples reach an agreement. Think of it as a type of counseling session. Instead of trying to work through your marital issues, you’re attempting to end the marriage without a lengthy, expensive, and nasty family court battle.
Common Benefits of Going Through Divorce Mediation
Okay, you have a pretty good idea of what goes on in divorce mediation. You and your former partner hash out details, comprise on some, and hopefully, finally come to an agreement. Neither of you is getting everything you want, and that’s okay.
Your marriage was a set of compromises, and this tends to extend into your divorce. Compromising isn’t a sign of weakness. It also doesn’t mean you’re giving in to your spouse’s demands. Instead, compromising can have some surprising benefits that can help you get on with the next phase of your life.
You Can Save Money on Legal Costs
Pretty much anytime the courts are involved, get ready to break out your debit or credit card. There’s going to be fees. Even filing for a divorce comes with a cost and this is even before you make it before a judge. Don’t forget about your attorney fees. Whether you’re paying an hourly or flat rate, Connecticut divorce attorneys aren’t exactly cheap.
If your divorce gets hung up in litigation, costs are going to increase. How much your divorce ends up costing typically depends on how long it takes to finalize. If you’re fighting over every single item in the house, including your wedding silverware set, get ready for a lengthy and expensive divorce.
Going through mediation can help lower overall costs. You and your spouse can work things out in mediation instead of in the courtroom.
Reduce Stress on Your Children
Some states allow children at a certain age to pick which parent they want to live with after a divorce. The age tends to vary between 12 to 14 years old. Why? This seems to be the age the legal system decides children are mature enough to make the decision. Connecticut is different.
A family court judge may listen to the child’s preferences at just about any age. Your toddler may even be questioned about their preferred living arrangements. Don’t worry; your three-year-old isn’t going to make the final decision. This is entirely up to the judge.
Even though the judge does consider other factors like your living arrangements, questioning a child in court can be traumatic. The child is being asked to choose between their parents in a pretty frightening environment. Even adults can be a little unnerved testifying in court. Just imagine how your little one feels.
Mediation gives kids a safe place to discuss their feelings about their parent’s pending divorce. You can get a better idea of how your child is feeling. They can also make their preferences known in a less intimidating environment.
You Can Draft Your Divorce Solution
Your family court judge is more than happy to craft your divorce solution. The judge can handle everything from asset division to support and child custody. Still, arguing over your wedding silverware set? No worries, your judge will decide who gets what. Sure, this sounds like an easy solution. You just sit back and let the court take care of everything.
Before you go this route, there’s a huge potential downside. You’re probably not going to like what the judge comes up with. The judge’s divorce solution may not even fit your life. This means going back to court, and yep, the fees are going to continue to add up.
Since you’re negotiating directly with your spouse in mediation, you have a better chance of crafting a workable and livable divorce solution. You may need to sit through a few mediation sessions, but at least you have control over your divorce.
Getting Ready for Divorce Mediation
You can wander into divorce mediation totally unprepared. Connecticut doesn’t have a law requiring divorcing couples to be prepared for negotiations, but it does help. Think about what you want and/or expect out of the divorce. This can include any of the following and even something that may not make the list:
- Spousal and/or child support
- Child custody arrangements
- Asset division
Something divorcing couples tend to overlook is communication. If children aren’t involved, you may not have a reason to talk to your ex after the divorce. However, when shared children are involved you’re probably going to need to stay in touch. This means figuring out how you’re going to communicate.
Some divorced parents are fine with phone calls and face-to-face meetings. Others do best when communication is limited to texts, emails, or even a third party.
Every divorce is different. Your potential issues aren’t always going to be the same as other divorcing couples. You’re also probably not going to get everything you want in the divorce. Accepting this now can make it easier to compromise throughout the mediation process.
