People who are mad about cars and motorbikes are called petrolheads. What do you call those of us who are made about styling tools and beauty aids? Maneomaniacs? Curlerjunkies? Hairheads? Tressistas? Dermadivas? Toolists?
We are all obsessed with the latest scientifically calibrated gadget and example of facial and hair engineering. Just listen to us.
“It’s a classic, salon-quality, ionic model. A quiet 1600-watt AC motor. Max temp: 160°F, nice warranty, 9-foot power cord, two removable concentrator nozzles, and a diffuser ring. Best for blowouts. Reminds me a lot of the bouncy Drybar Buttercup. Love the cool lock-in button in your style. It’s the most awesome hair dryer on the market.”
“Its speed settings are more powerful than the Revlon One-Step Volumizer, and it’s good on coils and contouring. And curl shapes better than say the Conair Infiniti PRO SmoothWrap and holds as well as an Amika with its tourmaline-infused ceramic components and infrared heat emissions.”
Beauty bores have their own language and wind options. They never run out of steam. They can even rhapsodize about wide-tooth combs. If there is one thing women are passionate about, it’s passionate about their plug-in, leave-in hair products.
I have a friend who can talk uninterruptedly for two minutes on her favorite shampoo. I have timed her. But would you trust a floor care expert or a cordless and hand-held vacuum salesman to do your hair?
We are all seeking tools engineered to dry, curl, wave, straighten, smooth, and volumize our hair. I do it the Dyson way. Because it’s the best and most modern way.
If I pamper my carpets with a state-of-the-art suction bagless hoover and treat my floor surfaces to a revolutionary brushroll bar and the principles of “cyclonic separation,” which apparently took 5,125 prototypes to perfect, I can treat my hair to the best styling aid with the latest attachments. Like 6 in 1 versatility, Rose Gold Dyson Air wrap Co-anda2x multi-styler and straightener. Frankly. I am more attached to my hair than my floors.
That’s why I have become a member of the Dyson community. It’s like being a member of a motorcycle gang but with more sheen. You’ve always got something to talk about. Like 30 per cent greater air flow and the ingenuity of the Dyson Hyperdynaium 2 motor.
I listen to my friends: “My Vinca Blue Supersonic holds the big sections really well, and the setting clips are top-notch. Even at 11000 rpm. She never pulls, hides the flyaways, and is great with the bang curtains. A double-lined Grace Eleyae Silk Twist Turban is way less kickass. Friction breakage doesn’t scare me. And I’ve got my Conair Infiniti Pro Curling wand. She makes great spirals in one pass”. And flick my hair at them, letting my Dyson Chiotosan pre-style and post-style serum waft their way.
Dyson engineers started looking into hair care back in 2012, investing £50 million into the development of Dyson’s first-ever hair tool. Dyson engineers found that a powerful airflow could be achieved if air was taken into a motor and accelerated over an annular aperture – this is the iconic ring-shaped head that can only be recognised as Dyson’s first ever hair dryer, and in 2016, the Dyson Supersonic™ hair dryer was launched.
Based in Malmesbury, Wiltshire, in the UK, billionaire Sir James got knighted mainly for his service to floors. He studied furniture and interior design at the Royal College of Art before moving into engineering and industrial design, thanks to mentoring by structural engineer Anthony Hunt.
Dyson is now concentrating on structuring and perking up hair. Human hair. He is still picking up dirt and pet hair. Being a registered Dyson owner or groupie, you feel you belong to a club. You’ve got access to a great spare parts service, maintenance, and repair advice.
At a party the other day, I went up to someone who was having problems with her epilator. It was making funny noises. And, consequently, she was worried about her peach fuzz.
“It’s been a bad time recently for my beauty kit. The top of my Nurse Jamie face roller fell off, my lash lifters rusted, my gua sha split in half, and my blackhead extraction vacuum seized up and had to be condemned. And my flatirons began clanking.
My Cooluli cosmetics fridge also sprung a leak, and I had to call in a plumber to look at my Homedica Parasa Paraffin bath, too. And to cap it all, I fractured my Qivanges. I was expecting even my tweezers to give out on me, and something to go wrong with my Beauty Blender sponge.
“But I’m afraid I might have to trade in my Forneo Luna 3. The old girl’s slowing up.” Nonchalantly, I flicked my shiny Dyson-engineered waves and let false economy and the latest science and technology speak for themselves.
Once a Drysonite, always a Drysonite. Especially if you have just created your own personalized default i.d. curling sequence on the app.
The brand sweeps the floor.
