Presented by BetterHelp
Guilt and shame are common terms that people often use interchangeably to describe their emotions. While the two are similar, they ultimately have different meanings and characterize unique human experiences. In this article, we’ll go over the definitions of guilt and shame and discuss what makes them different.
A Definition Of Guilt & Shame
Guilt is an emotion characterized by self-consciousness and remorse that people may feel when they’ve done something morally or legally wrong. These feelings can occur whether or not their actions were intentional, and even if their guilt is misplaced or unwarranted. While guilt can be a negative emotion in some cases, it can also be constructive, spurring people to make amends as necessary, take accountability, or do something to undo the harm they caused.
Shame, on the other hand, is a strong feeling marked by humiliation, embarrassment, and regret. When someone feels shameful, they believe that something is wrong with them. In their minds, they mistakenly believe that they wouldn’t have done or said something harmful if they were actually a good person. Or they may believe that someone wouldn’t have treated them a certain way if it weren’t for their mistakes or flaws. People who feel ashamed tend to be very hard on themselves, failing to extend grace where it may be due. Unfortunately, this usually only reinforces their feelings, making it difficult to let go of the past and forgive themselves.
The Difference Between Guilt And Shame
Shame differs from guilt in that guilt can be constructive, while shame tends to cause people to internalize negative messages about themselves. When someone feels guilty, they’re usually concerned with their actions—something they did or said. They understand that everyone makes mistakes and recognize that their hurtful behaviors don’t make them a bad person. However, when a person feels ashamed, they’re typically worried about being a bad person and judge themselves harshly. These individuals take their actions to heart and can be their own worst critic.
Guilt normally stems from a specific incident, like hurting one’s sibling, while shame isn’t always directly tied to something specific. Rather, the root cause of shame may be negative messages that were heard while growing up, such as a child being told they would never amount to anything. Shame can also stem from abuse, as survivors might falsely believe that they deserved what they went through due to personal shortcomings.
People are more likely to experience guilt when they know they did something wrong but haven’t told anyone else about it or been caught. Conversely, shame is more common when other people find out what someone did, especially when these outside observers are judgmental or harsh.
Overcoming Guilt And Shame
If you find yourself wracked with guilt or shame, there are a few things that can help. One step you can take is apologizing to anyone that you might have hurt. You may or may not be forgiven, but doing the right thing by saying you’re sorry can help bring the other individual healing while also alleviating your guilty feelings. It can also be vital to accept responsibility for your role in causing turmoil or harm, as this demonstrates genuine remorse.
Further, finding trusted friends or family members to confide in can help you get heavy feelings off your chest. Letting others in on what you’re going through can be helpful in itself, as shame tends to thrive off of secrecy. Once your actions are brought to light, you may find that your shame loses its grip. Finally, ensuring that you’re speaking to yourself kindly and showing yourself grace can be crucial to lessening the burden of shame and guilt.
Conclusion
Most people are familiar with the feelings of shame and guilt, as life is full of potentially traumatic situations as well as opportunities to make mistakes. Although guilt can serve the purpose of keeping you grounded in your morals, too much of it can be detrimental to your mental health. Likewise, letting yourself sit in shame can take an emotional toll, leaving you feeling stuck and down on yourself.
Coping with and overcoming shame and guilt requires viewing yourself through a compassionate lens and letting go of your mistakes even when others don’t. As you make your way through life, it’s important to remind yourself that no one is perfect. So, be sure to give yourself grace while also striving to become the best version of yourself.
